Weekly Horoscope. ( for entertainment purposes only)

Aries (Ram): March 21–April 19

This week, Aries, your impulsive nature will lead you to try something new, like knitting a sweater for your goldfish. Spoiler alert: fish don't wear sweaters. But your dedication will be appreciated by your furry friends. On Tuesday, you'll find yourself in a heated debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. Just remember, no one wins in the great pineapple debate, especially when you argue with a pizza delivery guy. By Friday, your adventurous spirit will have you signing up for an extreme sport you can’t pronounce. Good luck with that!

Taurus (Bull): April 20–May 20

Taurus, this week is all about indulgence for you. You’ll find a way to turn a regular coffee break into a three-hour latte art competition with yourself. The barista might give you odd looks, but who cares when your foam art is Instagram-worthy? Midweek, you'll be tempted to turn your living room into a jungle because, let’s face it, you’ve always thought potted plants were too mainstream. By the weekend, you’ll be knee-deep in vines, wondering if it was all worth it. Spoiler: it is, as long as you don’t lose the TV remote in the process.

Gemini (Twins): May 21–June 21

Dear Gemini, your dual nature will have you juggling more than just ideas this week. You’ll attempt to multitask by baking cookies while on a conference call. The results? Half-burnt cookies and a promotion because your boss was impressed by your dedication. On Wednesday, you might start a book club where no one reads the book, but everyone talks about it passionately. Friday brings an unexpected adventure when you decide to take up birdwatching – indoors. Good luck explaining to your neighbors why you’re staring out the window with binoculars and a bird guide.

Cancer (Crab): June 22–July 22

Cancer, your nurturing side will shine this week as you decide to adopt every stray cat in the neighborhood. By midweek, you'll have enough feline friends to start your own cat circus. Just don’t be surprised when they don’t follow your carefully choreographed routines. On Thursday, your emotional sensitivity will lead you to write heartfelt letters to inanimate objects. Your toaster will never forget the beautiful poem you wrote about its perfect browning abilities. By Sunday, you’ll realize you’ve become the neighborhood’s quirky cat person, but hey, embrace it!

Leo (Lion): July 23–August 22 

Leo, this week your flair for drama will have you auditioning for the role of the lead in a local play – that you wrote. The catch? It’s a one-person show about the history of cheese. By Wednesday, your passion will have you in full costume, performing for an audience of confused but supportive friends. Friday brings a desire to host a grand dinner party, but with a twist: every dish must be themed around a different holiday. Your St. Patrick’s Day sushi and Halloween lasagna will be the talk of the town. Embrace your inner showman!

Virgo (Virgin): August 23–September 22

Virgo, your meticulous nature will have you organizing everything in sight this week. You’ll start with your sock drawer and end up alphabetizing your spice rack. By Wednesday, you’ll be labeling everything in your home, including the goldfish. Thursday will bring a bout of perfectionism where you attempt to create the world’s most accurate sandcastle in your backyard. Good luck explaining to your neighbors why there’s a beach in your garden. By the weekend, you’ll feel accomplished, though slightly sandy, and ready to take on the world’s messiness again.

Libra (Balance): September 23–October 23

Libra, your quest for balance will lead you on a journey to find the perfect blend of coffee and tea. By Tuesday, you’ll have created a new beverage that no one wants to try, but you’re convinced it’s the next big thing. Midweek, your diplomatic skills will be tested as you try to mediate a dispute between your houseplants over who gets the best sunlight. Friday brings a surprise when you decide to rearrange your furniture to achieve Feng Shui perfection, only to realize you’ve blocked every door in the process. Embrace the chaos; it’s all part of the charm.

Scorpius (Scorpion): October 24–November 21

Scorpio, this week your intensity will be focused on solving a mystery that doesn’t exist. You’ll spend hours investigating the disappearance of your left sock, convinced it’s part of a grand conspiracy. By Wednesday, your passion will have you starting a detective agency for household items, much to the amusement of your friends. Thursday brings a desire to delve into the world of espionage, leading you to practice hiding in plain sight. Spoiler: hiding behind a potted plant doesn’t work as well as it does in the movies. By the weekend, you’ll have cracked the case of the missing sock, only to find it was under your bed all along.

Sagittarius (Archer): November 22–December 21

Sagittarius, your adventurous spirit will have you planning a spontaneous road trip to nowhere. By Tuesday, you’ll be halfway to a town you can’t pronounce, with a car full of snacks and no map. Wednesday brings a realization that your GPS has a mind of its own, leading you to the world’s largest ball of yarn. Thursday, you’ll find yourself signing up for a hot air balloon ride, because why not? By the weekend, your spontaneous nature will have you trying out new hobbies like extreme ironing or underwater basket weaving. Embrace the adventure!

Capricornus (Goat): December 22–January 19

Capricorn, your hardworking nature will have you tackling home improvement projects this week. By Tuesday, you’ll have convinced yourself that you can install a chandelier without any help. Spoiler: it’s harder than it looks. Wednesday brings a moment of brilliance when you decide to start a side hustle as a motivational speaker for pets. Your cat will never be more inspired. By Friday, you’ll be knee-deep in DIY projects, wondering if you bit off more than you can chew. But fear not, Capricorn, your determination will see you through, even if your chandelier ends up slightly crooked.

Aquarius (Water Bearer): January 20–February 18

Aquarius, your innovative mind will have you creating a new gadget that no one needs but everyone wants. By Tuesday, you’ll have a prototype of a robotic vacuum that also sings show tunes. Wednesday brings a brainstorm session where you decide to start a community garden – on your rooftop. Thursday, your eccentricity will lead you to host a dinner party where everyone must communicate through interpretive dance. By the weekend, your quirky inventions and unique ideas will have your friends both baffled and entertained. Keep being you, Aquarius!

Pisces (Fish): February 19–March 20

Pisces, your dreamy nature will lead you to start a journal of your nightly dreams. By Tuesday, you’ll have enough material to start writing a novel about talking animals and enchanted forests. Wednesday brings a wave of creativity that has you painting a mural on your bedroom wall – without permission from your landlord. Thursday, your empathetic side will lead you to start a support group for misunderstood imaginary friends. By the weekend, you’ll be hosting meetings with an eclectic group of characters. Embrace your imagination, Pisces; it’s what makes you truly unique!